April 18th, 5:26am
I just heard a loud sound that sounded like it could have been a siren if i had been out in the ocean. It made me think about how even a year ago that would have made me tremble with fear, and i realized that not much makes me afraid now a days, not like it used to.
I feel like I understand fear in a new way now; as a biological and intuitive response, something that must be listened to, but that can be controlled. I’ve understood that the fear of fear itself amplifies it, and that true bravery really comes from relinquishing the need to be in control and safe at all times.
When we build resilience and are able to control our bodies’ physical response to fear, the fear has less say over the outcome of a situation. Like when casually tossing a ball up and down, we aren’t focusing on the fact that it could fall at any moment. But, if I were to place you at the top of a skyscraper, tossing a glass ball over an abyss, all of a sudden that probability is all that you can think about.
We lose focus, we doubt our abilities, and we wait for disaster. All out of fear for what could or could not happen. When the stakes are high and when we have experienced intense and unimaginable suffering we live in fear of repeating those experiences. Our focus on that fear is so intense that it makes us zoom into the minute details and unintentionally live out the exact situations that we so desperately try to avoid. It’s paradoxical, but undoubtedly true, if you ask me. When you ride a bicycle you never want to look at the obstacles that you want to avoid; always keep your eyes on the path that you want to take instead.
That’s what i was taught, because your eyes will subconsciously guide your body, like a flashlight in the darkness, so always lay your eyes towards the clearest path- forget the possibility for disaster.
It’s beautiful to see our fears dissolve around us when we don’t give them room to tell us the story of their possibilities, and it’s a feeling of strength that can’t be described to be able to calm your own shaking breath.
